Rock of Ages

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

 

by Frederick William Springer III

 

Rock of Ages

Release Date:  15 June 2012                                                                 Runtime:  123 Minutes              

Review Date:  29 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  2 (of 6)

 

     Let me make something very clear that the trailer did not--Rock of Ages is a MUSICAL.  I had, some time ago, read a quick blurb indicating that it was, in fact, based on a musical but unfortunately I completely forgot.

     If you haven't already jumped to the conclusion, I'll preface this by letting you all know that, for the most part, I don't like musicals.  While people may go to the movies to escape reality, I personally still want to be at least grounded in reality.  Nowhere in the real world do people regularly, spontaneously break out in song and dance (ignoring the recent trend of flash mobs regarding the latter) and when it's crappy karaoke covers of a REAL song, it's even more offensive.

     The movie does have a good cast and a cool 80s soundtrack, which is what held the allure, but when you have actors (not the original singers) belting out the songs to suit the plot, nostalgia wears off quick.  Which is sad to say, because without the music, there isn't much story.

     The most entertaining elements of the movie were brief appearances by "Hey Man" played by 3 baboons.  Catherine Zeta-Jones, whom I can't remember ever seeing in a bad performance, seems underutilized here and kind of stiff.  Granted her character is stuffy so stiff shouldn't be a bad thing, but I mean an overly stiff performance rather than playing a stiff character.