Ted

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

by Frederick William Springer III

 

Ted

Release Date:  29 June 2012                                                                 Runtime:  106 Minutes              

Review Date:  29 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  2 (of 6)

 

     There isn't much to say about Ted other than my opinion upon seeing the trailer held upon seeing the film--a possibly good concept executed poorly.  I'll admit that my opinion may differ from the mass public in general as the audience I saw it with was pretty much continuously laughing as I sat straight faced but I'll still hold with a verdict of lackluster.

     The only thing really amusing about it was its reference and incorporation of an 80s movie.  I, myself, don't remember seeing that particular film but am very familiar with the theme song and give kudos for the nostalgia factor.  For those that aren't children of the 80s, they'll likely find it amusing too, regardless.

     Also, Patrick Stewart as the narrator of the tale was a nice touch.

Rock of Ages

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

 

by Frederick William Springer III

 

Rock of Ages

Release Date:  15 June 2012                                                                 Runtime:  123 Minutes              

Review Date:  29 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  2 (of 6)

 

     Let me make something very clear that the trailer did not--Rock of Ages is a MUSICAL.  I had, some time ago, read a quick blurb indicating that it was, in fact, based on a musical but unfortunately I completely forgot.

     If you haven't already jumped to the conclusion, I'll preface this by letting you all know that, for the most part, I don't like musicals.  While people may go to the movies to escape reality, I personally still want to be at least grounded in reality.  Nowhere in the real world do people regularly, spontaneously break out in song and dance (ignoring the recent trend of flash mobs regarding the latter) and when it's crappy karaoke covers of a REAL song, it's even more offensive.

     The movie does have a good cast and a cool 80s soundtrack, which is what held the allure, but when you have actors (not the original singers) belting out the songs to suit the plot, nostalgia wears off quick.  Which is sad to say, because without the music, there isn't much story.

     The most entertaining elements of the movie were brief appearances by "Hey Man" played by 3 baboons.  Catherine Zeta-Jones, whom I can't remember ever seeing in a bad performance, seems underutilized here and kind of stiff.  Granted her character is stuffy so stiff shouldn't be a bad thing, but I mean an overly stiff performance rather than playing a stiff character.

Prometheus

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

 

by Frederick William Springer III

Prometheus

Release Date:  8 June 2012                                                                   Runtime:  124 Minutes              

Review Date:  29 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  2 (of 6)

     Prometheus fell flat with me.  There really wasn't any excitement, just a monotone journey.  In all, it left more unanswered questions than it did answered ones, which would be fine if this were a weekly serial like Lost (Damon Lindelof an executive producer and writer of both) that while often bringing new questions to the surface, answers you in small amounts to keep you satisfied and hooked, but as a standalone film with no planned sequel* (and many years away if one ever develops), it's just a failure.

     If I am to mention any positive, I'd acknowledge that set/character design was well done, I believed in the world created and nothing felt hokey or fake.

 

*Days after my review, it was announced that a sequel was indeed in the works.

The Dark Knight Rises

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

 

by Frederick William Springer III

 

The Dark Knight Rises

Release Date:  20 July 2012                                                                 Runtime:  164 Minutes              

Review Date:  27 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  6 (of 6)

 

     The Dark Knight Rises delivers where Avengers did not--story.  And though it clocks in at nearly 3 hours, the fast pace of the editing keeps things moving, never leaving one fatigued or looking at their watch.

     I didn't know how I felt about Anne Hathaway cast as Catwoman or her costume when pictures were first released but she owned the role and I never gave much thought to the costume while watching it on the screen.

     The only real issue I had, as did my viewing companion and other patrons sitting around us, was with Bane.  I thought I had read long ago that his synthetic voice tested poorly and they were going back to fix it in post.  Well, I can only imagine how bad it was before since, much of the time, you still can't understand what he is saying.  I get that you want him to have a creepy Darth Vader voice but you always clearly heard what Darth Vader said when he spoke.

     The fact that characters can jump into multiple new high-tech military grade vehicles and instantaneously operate them is a case of suspended disbelief (as in the other films) that the pacing of the story helps you to forgive or at least not allow for time to dwell on such things.

     I found that the The Dark Knight Rises was a very satisfying conclusion to the trilogy.

The Dictator

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

 

by Frederick William Springer III

 

The Dictator

Release Date:  16 May 2012                                                                 Runtime:  83 Minutes              

Review Date:  15 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  (4 of 6)

     The Dictator goes for the shocking "are they really saying/doing that?" moments that garner hardy laughs but that probably won't hold on second viewing (as was my experience with Borat, which was a superior film).

     I have nothing else to say.

The Pirates: Band of Misfits

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

by Frederick William Springer III

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Release Date:  27 April 2012                                                                Runtime:  88 Minutes              

Review Date:  15 July 2012                                                                   Rating:  2 (of 6)

     "The best thing about being a Pirate is Ham Night."  OKAY, you lost me before the title even came on the screen.  I don't think I need say more.

Battleship

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

by Frederick William Springer III

 



 

Battleship

Release Date:  18 May 2012                                                                 Runtime:  131 Minutes              

Review Date:  15 July 2012                                                                    Rating:  2 (of 6)

     For generations that have played the game, the move will leave them saying indignantly, "You've sunk my battleship!"  When in development, the concept had me rolling my eyes.  But at least there was an opportunity to create a classic war movie.  Then when I saw the trailer, all that came to mind was, "What the fuck?  Really?  Alien Transformers?"

     Going in with that mindset, the movie wasn't a total bomb.  It was watchable, albeit I wouldn't actively seek it out to do so.

     For the most part, the special effects were pretty good, only one scene in which looked blatantly CGI.  And I did like how the movie paid homage to veterans of a bygone era.

     However, our "hero," if you will--his journey/outcome was pretty predictable from the start.  I bet you can, too--the cut-up that normally causes nothing but trouble and can't in good faith ask permission for his lover's hand in marriage from her father (and his boss) winds up...

     I did find it highly unrealistic that a museum would readily have armaments onboard.  The movie did, though, at least manage to reference the game play itself, finding a way to tie in the classic with this dud.