Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Noah

TAKE 1: One Mans Opinion
…because film is largely subjective
 
by Frederick William Springer III
Noah
Release Date:  28 March 2014                                                              Runtime:  138 Minutes              
Review Date:  3 June 2014                                                                    Rating:  5 (of 6)
      It's always good to see Odin and the Frost Giants!  Oh, wait.  This isn't Thor: The Dark World?  Hmmm...
     The acting here is superb, you won't get any finer.  It was definitely nice to see Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly reunited as husband and wife, 13 years since A Beautiful Mind.  It's due to their performance and those of others that I give Noah high ratings.  That and if you've never heard the story of Noah before, you're walking in with a clean slate much like God was making a clean slate of the Earth, then you may want to jump in.  If you are familiar with the story of the ark, than maybe you'll want to see this version as a curiosity.  It is totally rewritten--really, Darren Aronofsky is taking a 6 page story at best and transforming it into a 2+ hour epic here--with so much to comment on, all spoilers, so don't read on if you would rather be as shocked as I was.
***
     Whether you go by the Old Testament standard, or one of the other similar stories found in many other religions and cultures, I'm pretty sure Rock Monsters were never part of the narrative.  Apparently there was also magic abound by human hands as well, most notably performed by Noah's grandfather Methuselah, portrayed here by Anthony Hopkins.  There's sleeping gas that conveniently works on animals (putting them into long-term hibernation, not needing any food or water) but has no effect on the unprotected humans wielding it.  Though gun powder was only discovered in the 9th century, here firing weapons were available.  And, seemingly, a female being stabbed in the stomach as a child makes her positively, unquestionably a barren adult; an adult that is never conclusively said to be betrothed to Shem, Noah's son, yet engages in sexual intercourse with him.  I somehow don't think the Creator would take too lightly to that.
     All these things would have Noah turning over in his grave, I'm sure, and condemned as outright blasphemous by the religious ilk.  But, then again, for these religious zealots, I remind them that Noah was supposedly 500-years-old when he had his 3 sons and 600 when the floodwaters came (so his kids in this movie should have been 100-year-old men, not teens and pre-teens).  Noah also lived another 350 years afterwards, so there's that...
 

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