Hotel Transylvania

TAKE 1: One Man’s Opinion

…because film is largely subjective

by Frederick William Springer III

 

Hotel Transylvania

Release Date:  28 September 2012                                                      Runtime:  91 Minutes              

Review Date:  6 January 2013                                                              Rating:  2.5 (of 6)

 

     Hotel Transylvania?  More like “Hotel Transyl-Big-Pile-Of-Shit.”  Traditionally, movies have a hook in the first couple of minutes to “hook” you into wanting to sit through the rest of the film.  Had I been watching at home rather than the theater, I would have shut it off in that time.  Right from the start, they begin with cheesy jokes that aren’t funny whatsoever, unless maybe if you’re a 2-year-old (though I shouldn’t insult a 2-year-old’s intelligence), particularly starting with a lame reworking of a nursery rhyme.

     Pulling you right out of the story from the get-go, Dracula sounds like Adam Sandler with a Transylvanian accent.  I didn’t know what misguided casting that was--why would anyone want to sound like Adam Sandler doing a Transylvanian accent?  But then, low and behold, when the credits roll we see it actually was Adam Sandler (who also Executive Produced).  Adam Sandler as Dracula does not work on any level other than horrific, which is something you would normally aim for in a Halloween movie, but not in this manner.

     Furthermore, the plot to the movie is all screwed up.  The hotel is supposed to be a sanctuary for monsters, where they can escape their normal lives, particularly the main characters coming for Dracula’s daughter Mavis’s annual birthday party.  The monsters don’t live at the hotel, they’re visiting, yet somehow they are all oblivious as to how modern humans act in present day.  Are they literally living under some rock when not at the hotel?  Their cluelessness would be understandable if they all lived at the hotel year round, but that isn’t the case.

     The number of times I laughed during this movie: 0.  The amount I cracked a smile: 1.  The only thing I did find amusing was that the end credits have a traditional 2D animated sequence.  But that’s just me, a personal thing, I happen to like when movies have animated credit sequences.

     I would not recommend this movie to anyone—not to horror fans, not to comedy fans and not to kids.  As I said, maybe it’ll get a few laughs from kids but, as Pixar has repeatedly demonstrated, it is possible to make computer animated films that are enjoyable to children and adults alike.  Save your time and money on this one.  And do yourself a favor—tear out your eyeballs before ever contemplating seeing the sequel currently slated for 2015.